I just bought a new lip gloss today, because face it…when you are stressed, sometimes you just gotta splurge on something silly. Anyways, I just bought this new lip gloss that, I kid you not, on the box says…”tested on celebrities, not animals”. And seriously what animal loving girl wouldn’t get a great kick out of that. I’ve spent all day getting cuddle time with my two favorite dogs in the whole world, so animal testing is a big No in my book. But what if the celebrity they tested on has had one too many botox treatments and can’t feel a thing. I mean, is this tingling my lips are feeling normal? Scratch that, it’s not tingling it’s….burning! Oh no, I am gonna lose my lips. I am gonna lose my lips from a silly shopping spree to ease my stressful life. I will never ever be able to kiss a guy ever again because I will have no lips and be entirely undateable instead of mildly unadateable, which is where I was before the lip gloss incident. And even if I were date material, I still would be unable to kiss because of my lack of lips. Water…I need water, and ice….and possibly aloe. Hopefully my lips will survive. I’d give up a toe or even a finger instead of my lips. Possibly a hand or a foot. And what if I keep my lips but have no feeling in them after this incident? Are you telling me the last kiss I will have ever felt will be that pitiful goodbye kiss at the airport 5 years ago?!? Kill me now….shoot me. It wasn’t even a toe curling kiss. I kissed a dead fish, and that will be my last lip memory. Ok, he wasn’t a dead fish, but he was making a perfect impression of one….with a mustache. A very itchy mustache. I think I am gonna hurl. Is that a good sign? Maybe I’ve ingested some of the gloss. Oh dear…death by lip gloss. Forget the gun, I am already dead. This may very well be my last blog. 30 year old single female dies by ingesting lip gloss. Be sure no one prints a picture. I don’t want my lip less face shown anywhere. Also, all my books go to my niece. Everything else goes to charity…..oh, except Travis gets everything in my kitchen. He deserves it…he does all the cooking anyways. *sigh* At least I am going out in a unique way, but I am not at all happy I am dying a virgin. Stupid lip gloss was supposed to help with that, instead of killing me. Goodbye cruel world!
Oh and don’t buy lip gloss you know nothing about. It’s worse than dating a serial killer…I think. I wouldn’t actually know since I am dying and all.