just breathe

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Denied May 31, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 7:38 pm

I thought I had a temp job in Boulder Colorado. I was really excited. Then I get a call yesterday saying the job had been filled. Gah!! Now what? I guess this means I am not supposed to leave Utah right now. These traveling companies have been knocking down my door all year, but I wasn’t ready for it until now. But now…nothing. I’m a little more than frustrated. I can see good in being forced to take more time off, but it also sucks. Money will be tight. But I will have time I never had before. I’m already using that time well. Errands,  studying,  working out, temple, visiting with friends, and a little extra Vegas time. I’m anxious to go camping too. I wasn’t planning this turn of events, but all I can do is just go with it.

 

Breakdown May 29, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 7:04 pm

A workaholic out of work is terrible thing. I had a complete breakdown today. There was a mix up at the orthodontist today, and I didn’t get my Permanent retainer bonded back on. Instead, I had to pay for a new temp one. I started crying, and I haven’t been able to stop. I’m pretty sure I’ll make enough money in Vegas to get by, but I am still worried. And I feel so weird having all this extra time. I have this huge list of things I need to get done, and I also need to study but I still feel out of place. I hope this feeling passes. Also, I applied for a temp job in Boulder Colorado. I really hope I get it. It sounds perfect for me and I really need this.

 

a much needed break May 23, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 7:33 pm

My last day is Sunday. It sucks to work on a Sunday, but I’ll deal with it. I’m a bit worried about not having another job lined up. Things are going to be tight for awhile. I need to finish 2 exams in order to get things rolling again. Once I have those exams finished, I’ll be able to pick and chose where I want to go. And I’ve decided that taking a travel job is really where my heart is right now. I’ll make enough money to be able to be comfortable for awhile and not worry so much. I’ll keep working part time with my Vegas job, and hopefully find something part time in Utah as well. I had an interview with the University on Friday but that didn’t go well. I felt really bad about myself when I left. It was tough. It took me all weekend to recover. So now it’s crunch time. I will work hard with my time off and pass these tests. I’m ready for this. I need this. A workaholic with no work is a scary thing, but I am eager for the change. Now if I could just stay away from Ikea, my finances will be all right. ; )

 

lock the door and throw away the key May 19, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 11:22 pm

So today I noticed a big change in how I feel. I finally did take those hormones, so I can get my body on the right track and not risk cancer. But now I am going out of my mind. I need to lock the door and throw away the key. I feel like a cat in heat times one hundred.  It’s a good thing I don’t have a boyfriend or any love interest. I’m craving physical affection in the worst way and I don’t want to be bad. I really hope this fades soon, otherwise my doctor will be getting a piece of my mind. No single girl should be put through this. It’s torture!!!

 

Geesh May 15, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 5:14 pm

I have been trying to get on here for days to do a quick little update, but I’ve been so busy. I am in serious need of a day off. *sigh* Soon , soon. I have put in my 2 weeks notice. It was bittersweet. My supervisor spun it so that it seemed like her idea. Whatever. So my last day will be Sunday May 27th. I will take one last 12 hour shift. I should have just said Friday the 25th would be my last day, but I decided to be nice. Bleh. Anyways, I am really happy about this decision. I know it was the right thing to do, but I am still freaked out. I have nothing lined up. Just a possible part time position or a possible travel job. I’m nuts! I am trying to stay calm, but this is really hard. And for some reason, this is something I must go through right now. I had to take that leap, let’s just hope I land on my feet.

This past weekend I went down to Las Vegas to visit my mom for mother’s day. I was truly blessed the whole weekend. I prayed that I would make it there ok, and by some miracle I missed deadly rollover. I was behind the guy most of the trip, but somehow I ended up less than a minute behind and wasn’t involved in the deadly accident. It was difficult seeing people life flighted out of there, and seeing a dead body on the road. It was also a miracle that I had enough energy to make it through the weekend and get everything done that I needed to. The list was long, an I’m exhausted. But a lot of good came out of it. I think my sister and I are on a road to a better relationship. It has been strained for quite sometime now. I am trying to let the past be, and love her no matter what. Forgiving family can be so hard. I am glad things are going better. She needs something good right now. My heart aches for her troubles. She handles it like a champion. I love my family even though they are crazy.

 

bummed May 9, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 3:24 am

Here I am, about to turn in my 2 weeks notice without a definite plan. I’m nervous and excited, and to be honest a little panicked. I thought I had a traveling gig just about lined up, but when I followed up on it today, the position had been filled. I’m a little heart broken. It was a position in Washington. I think near Seattle. I’ve been dying to get back to Washington. I already had my heart set on it. I was really excited. But unfortunately, my inability to get to a phone to call my travel company at a decent time cost me this gig. Grrrr! I just hope something even better is just around the corner. I’m taking this leap of faith that things will work out. I really hope I can handle this. I am facing a huge fear of mine. Not being secure. It has been a long time since I have done something wild, and this just plain nuts. I just know that if I don’t face my fear and  go I will be stuck and unhappy. And that’s just plain stupid.

 

Ok, here we go. May 4, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 4:22 am

Next week I will be emailing my supervisor and be putting in my 2 weeks notice. May 27th will be my last official day. Do I have a plan yet? No. I have a lot of different options, But nothing has been ironed out yet. It’s just time to take a leap of faith. Actually way overdo. For too long I have waited patiently for the right move, but it never happened. So now I am embracing the fear I am feeling and am going with it. I had a feeling a year ago, that I needed to leave but I tried to play it safe. Now for the sake of my health, finances, sanity, and happiness I am doing something bold. This may mean that I will leave Utah for a few months, and I think I’m OK with that. But who knows, I have a few other choices that may work out better. I just know that this summer there are going to be some radical changes. I am taking control of my life. I want more, so much more and now is the time for me to do something about it. I am ready for this roller coaster. Wohoo!