just breathe

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just putting this out there April 27, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 3:21 pm

No one freak, I just need to get this off my chest and then forget about it. So the doctor yesterday was surprising. I have what I thought was a few minor problems, and wasn’t going to mention them. But the doctor wanted a thorough history and was asking me tons of questions. After all was said and done, he informed me that I am at a high risk for uterine cancer. I don’t have it now, but I have to do a series of hormones every 3 months for the next year or so just to be safe. So now I have these pills sitting on my kitchen counter. I’m not sure if I even want to take them. I went to my homeopathic doctor earlier and figured this stuff out before I went to the gynecologist. So I am doing some herbal remedies. *sigh* It’s really not a big deal, I’m just frustrated. I’m healthy, I don’t need a doctor to throw the cancer word at me. He’s a very nice doctor, I was impressed by him, but throwing that word out is a scare tactic. I was doing fine after the appointment but then that started eating away at me last night. That’s why I am writing it down. I just need it out of my head, and I will move on. I may even take those pills. At least one round of them anyways.

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Doctor’s appointment ugh! April 25, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 3:27 pm

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. You think someone who works in the medical field wouldn’t be nervous. But, I am. It’s a Gynecology appointment, and I have put this off for 4 years now. I know, I know, I’m a hypocrite! I lecture people all the time about regular visits to their doctor. I put my regular visit off for many reasons. I was really hurt on the last pap. I about fainted on the table. They had to stop everything and wait till I recovered. Soon after that I had to have exploratory surgery. Nothing ever came out of that. Very frustrating how I was treated all around.  I was a scared 22year old with no one to be there for me. My parents don’t like to go to the doctor, so I had no one with me. So I’ve been reluctant to have another go at this. Plus with my schedule, it is nearly impossible to go to a doctors appointment. I am actually calling in sick tomorrow so that I can go to this appointment. I tried to work things out with my supervisor so that I could go to this appointment, and still work the whole day and she wouldn’t work with me. Her loss, because I made this appointment months ago. I cannot and will not cancel. Now if I could just get nerves to calm down, I’ll do just fine.

 

Birthday April 24, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 3:09 pm

Yes, today is my Burpday. I am 29years old today. I’m actually really excited about going into my 30’s. So I’ll just enjoy this year, and hit next year with a bang. So far my Birthday is just a regular day. I was on call last night and this morning, and worked. I got up early this morning to go to the orthodontist to fix a wire in my mouth. Instead, I got the wire removed and got fitted for a retainer that I have to wear for 2 weeks. It looks like my inner geek will never die. I was gonna go back to bed and catch up on sleep from last night, but I really don’t want to lose the whole day. It’s a bummer that I even had to work at all on my birthday. And, I’m dealing with a new feeling. I’m homesick. It’s been a few months since I have gone down to Las Vegas. My phone bill is outrageous because I talk to my parents everyday. I’m not used to having gone this long without a trip to see them. All I need is a day or two, and I’m good. So hopefully in a week or two, I will be able to go down there. I’m just not sure what I will be doing in the month of May. I have 2 part time job opportunities in Salt Lake city. They both can lead up to something great. I’m really excited about that. And, yesterday the traveling company called and has a couple of assignments they want to offer me. Geesh! Why was there nothing for so long? Now I have some VERY difficult choices to make. Do I take the high paying traveling gig and leave for 3 months and take a chance that I will find something when I come back? Or, do I take a couple of part time jobs that will give me the freedom I am craving right now, and deal with the gamble of no guaranteed hours. Although those two part time jobs could lead to some very good opportunities here in Salt Lake. *sigh* It’s gonna take me a couple of weeks to sort this out, but I am ready for this big change. Yay!

 

*sigh* April 19, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 9:47 pm

Today I failed my physics test again. I only get one more try. I’ve been crying since I took the test this morning. I studied hard and was ready for this. I really needed to pass. The test is 119 questions. You only get to miss a few questions. I barely failed. Barely. Now I am having to reevaluate some things. I’m frustrated and upset. This was my ticket to a traveling position. I’m beginning to think that a traveling gig isn’t what I am meant to do. I have a few possible part time opportunities in Salt lake city that I am looking into. I’m excited about these possibilities, but not passing this exam doesn’t make things any easier. Now I have to spend more money and time on tests, because now I need to move on to the next tests and take my chances with those. If I don’t get a registry done, I will be fired soon. Not that I would mind leaving, but I want to do it on my own terms.

I hate this. I am working so hard to change things in my life. I’ve been working on getting out of debt. I have school debt that has been lingering over me. Stressing me out. I’ve been working on a plan for that. I’ve also been working hard at finding a new job. It is very clear to me that I have turned into a grump. When I went to California for a friends temple sealing, I realized that I felt more like myself in those few days than I had in more than over a year. It was great. I smiled, I laughed, I was silly, I had fun. When I came home and went back to work, I was bitter, and angry. I worked a 38 hour shift this last weekend. That’s not right. I didn’t slave away at school to be treated like this. My work environment shouldn’t change my personality. But it has, and it does. And now that I know this, I am anxious to make a change. I am giving myself till the end of May to find a new place of employment. If I don’t find one I am quitting anyways and just splitting my time between here and Las Vegas. I’ll just work down there more until I find something fabulous in Salt Lake City.

I just want to be able to breath again.

 

time for an update April 2, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — maurianne @ 2:05 pm

I’m loving my new apartment. The extra room was needed, and it is much more peaceful in the new building. And I can actually open my windows without having to worry about smokers. It’s wonderful.

So anyways, here is the new plan. I am taking a traveling assignment sometime in May. We haven’t decided where yet, but supposedly we are working out the details this week. So April is going to be a busy month preparing. Most likely I will be gone on assignment for 3 months unless I find something shorter. I will be making regular trips back to Utah during those 3 months, and I will be keeping my apartment. I am staying based in Salt Lake City. Although I am leaving my car in Las Vegas. I will be selling my car, because when I come back I will be buying a new car. There are just too many repairs needing to be done on my car, and my brother’s fiance is needing a car like mine. Plus, I have a killer mechanic in Vegas that will fix it perfectly for her. I am sad to be leaving Utah for awhile, but I need a break from where I am at now(i.e. the hospitals)  And taking this assignment will put me in a better financial siuation. I will have breathing room to find a better ultrasound job in Utah, and possibly start school again. I want more education. I have some ambitious plans.

So don’t fret. I will still be around. I just need to work hard for 3 months in order to get ahead, and find peace in my life.

I think a camping trip in August will be just what I need when I come back. So be ready! Wohoo!