No one freak, I just need to get this off my chest and then forget about it. So the doctor yesterday was surprising. I have what I thought was a few minor problems, and wasn’t going to mention them. But the doctor wanted a thorough history and was asking me tons of questions. After all was said and done, he informed me that I am at a high risk for uterine cancer. I don’t have it now, but I have to do a series of hormones every 3 months for the next year or so just to be safe. So now I have these pills sitting on my kitchen counter. I’m not sure if I even want to take them. I went to my homeopathic doctor earlier and figured this stuff out before I went to the gynecologist. So I am doing some herbal remedies. *sigh* It’s really not a big deal, I’m just frustrated. I’m healthy, I don’t need a doctor to throw the cancer word at me. He’s a very nice doctor, I was impressed by him, but throwing that word out is a scare tactic. I was doing fine after the appointment but then that started eating away at me last night. That’s why I am writing it down. I just need it out of my head, and I will move on. I may even take those pills. At least one round of them anyways.
Doctor’s appointment ugh! April 25, 2007
I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. You think someone who works in the medical field wouldn’t be nervous. But, I am. It’s a Gynecology appointment, and I have put this off for 4 years now. I know, I know, I’m a hypocrite! I lecture people all the time about regular visits to their doctor. I put my regular visit off for many reasons. I was really hurt on the last pap. I about fainted on the table. They had to stop everything and wait till I recovered. Soon after that I had to have exploratory surgery. Nothing ever came out of that. Very frustrating how I was treated all around. I was a scared 22year old with no one to be there for me. My parents don’t like to go to the doctor, so I had no one with me. So I’ve been reluctant to have another go at this. Plus with my schedule, it is nearly impossible to go to a doctors appointment. I am actually calling in sick tomorrow so that I can go to this appointment. I tried to work things out with my supervisor so that I could go to this appointment, and still work the whole day and she wouldn’t work with me. Her loss, because I made this appointment months ago. I cannot and will not cancel. Now if I could just get nerves to calm down, I’ll do just fine.
Birthday April 24, 2007
Yes, today is my Burpday. I am 29years old today. I’m actually really excited about going into my 30’s. So I’ll just enjoy this year, and hit next year with a bang. So far my Birthday is just a regular day. I was on call last night and this morning, and worked. I got up early this morning to go to the orthodontist to fix a wire in my mouth. Instead, I got the wire removed and got fitted for a retainer that I have to wear for 2 weeks. It looks like my inner geek will never die. I was gonna go back to bed and catch up on sleep from last night, but I really don’t want to lose the whole day. It’s a bummer that I even had to work at all on my birthday. And, I’m dealing with a new feeling. I’m homesick. It’s been a few months since I have gone down to Las Vegas. My phone bill is outrageous because I talk to my parents everyday. I’m not used to having gone this long without a trip to see them. All I need is a day or two, and I’m good. So hopefully in a week or two, I will be able to go down there. I’m just not sure what I will be doing in the month of May. I have 2 part time job opportunities in Salt Lake city. They both can lead up to something great. I’m really excited about that. And, yesterday the traveling company called and has a couple of assignments they want to offer me. Geesh! Why was there nothing for so long? Now I have some VERY difficult choices to make. Do I take the high paying traveling gig and leave for 3 months and take a chance that I will find something when I come back? Or, do I take a couple of part time jobs that will give me the freedom I am craving right now, and deal with the gamble of no guaranteed hours. Although those two part time jobs could lead to some very good opportunities here in Salt Lake. *sigh* It’s gonna take me a couple of weeks to sort this out, but I am ready for this big change. Yay!
*sigh* April 19, 2007
Today I failed my physics test again. I only get one more try. I’ve been crying since I took the test this morning. I studied hard and was ready for this. I really needed to pass. The test is 119 questions. You only get to miss a few questions. I barely failed. Barely. Now I am having to reevaluate some things. I’m frustrated and upset. This was my ticket to a traveling position. I’m beginning to think that a traveling gig isn’t what I am meant to do. I have a few possible part time opportunities in Salt lake city that I am looking into. I’m excited about these possibilities, but not passing this exam doesn’t make things any easier. Now I have to spend more money and time on tests, because now I need to move on to the next tests and take my chances with those. If I don’t get a registry done, I will be fired soon. Not that I would mind leaving, but I want to do it on my own terms.
I hate this. I am working so hard to change things in my life. I’ve been working on getting out of debt. I have school debt that has been lingering over me. Stressing me out. I’ve been working on a plan for that. I’ve also been working hard at finding a new job. It is very clear to me that I have turned into a grump. When I went to California for a friends temple sealing, I realized that I felt more like myself in those few days than I had in more than over a year. It was great. I smiled, I laughed, I was silly, I had fun. When I came home and went back to work, I was bitter, and angry. I worked a 38 hour shift this last weekend. That’s not right. I didn’t slave away at school to be treated like this. My work environment shouldn’t change my personality. But it has, and it does. And now that I know this, I am anxious to make a change. I am giving myself till the end of May to find a new place of employment. If I don’t find one I am quitting anyways and just splitting my time between here and Las Vegas. I’ll just work down there more until I find something fabulous in Salt Lake City.
I just want to be able to breath again.
time for an update April 2, 2007
I’m loving my new apartment. The extra room was needed, and it is much more peaceful in the new building. And I can actually open my windows without having to worry about smokers. It’s wonderful.
So anyways, here is the new plan. I am taking a traveling assignment sometime in May. We haven’t decided where yet, but supposedly we are working out the details this week. So April is going to be a busy month preparing. Most likely I will be gone on assignment for 3 months unless I find something shorter. I will be making regular trips back to Utah during those 3 months, and I will be keeping my apartment. I am staying based in Salt Lake City. Although I am leaving my car in Las Vegas. I will be selling my car, because when I come back I will be buying a new car. There are just too many repairs needing to be done on my car, and my brother’s fiance is needing a car like mine. Plus, I have a killer mechanic in Vegas that will fix it perfectly for her. I am sad to be leaving Utah for awhile, but I need a break from where I am at now(i.e. the hospitals) And taking this assignment will put me in a better financial siuation. I will have breathing room to find a better ultrasound job in Utah, and possibly start school again. I want more education. I have some ambitious plans.
So don’t fret. I will still be around. I just need to work hard for 3 months in order to get ahead, and find peace in my life.
I think a camping trip in August will be just what I need when I come back. So be ready! Wohoo!