Walking around the neighborhood after 10pm probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do. But my heart didn’t want to do what my head considered right. My heart and head rarely agree these days. As I walked uphill, I felt the burn I was eager to feel. I needed to feel it, to focus and work towards a goal. I felt a great satisfaction in taking control of the moment and making it up a hill. But as I was making my way down the hill, my satisfaction quickly rolled away. Walking downhill I had much less control. I was at the mercy of the hill and the laws of gravity. I stuggled to keep the pace I wanted. I struggled not just because of the hill, but because I related this to my life.
How many times have I worked so hard? Struggling up a hill with a goal in mind. Focused so intently. And after reaching those goals, I have struggled on the downhill. Finding it hard to relinquish control, and let nature take its course. I find no satisfaction in enjoying the moment, and become restless. I look for the next uphill battle, but I cannot always be going uphill. So how can I find a balance?
That is the question I am struggling with now. I am making changes. At a much slower pace than what I would like. And these changes are in almost every aspect of my life….work, home, church. I am frustrated and overwhelmed at the same time. I understand that I must take on the uphill as well as the downhill. Let’s just hope my heart and head will agree and proceed.