lost and found November 27, 2008

How do I explain what is going through my head right now? Everyone knows it has been a tough year for me. I’ve spent most of the year in Las Vegas taking care of my family, and I have been miserable, tired, angry, and sad. This last go around I toyed with the idea of moving back to make things easier, so I have been thinking and researching and trying to figure a few things out. In doing all of this I realized how lost I have been, even before my dad started having major health problems. This past year I have applied for endless jobs in Salt lake city….more than many of you know of, and nothing ever pans out.  I thought if I found a decent job I would be happy. I thought if I found a nice place to live and surrounded myself with lots of people and things to do, this annoying part of me that is restless would calm down. Truth is, I am tired of trying to change who I really am. But to be really honest, I didn’t figure things out till recently. All this talk of moving sparked something in me. It is hard to explain. It is like everything finally clicked into place.

I am not happy staying in one place. I’ve always wanted to travel, and have nearly gone on assignment quite a few times. But it has never been the right time or place, so I am taking things into my own hands. I am a wanderer, and I won’t be happy until I experience new places and adventures. I am happiest when I am on the road or in an airport. Right now, I am not prepared to take off, so I have come up with a plan, a compromise of sorts. I am going to move to a new state and take a few years to sort a few things out, like finances and education. I have more schooling I would like to do as well. I realize I am not happy without a book in my hand either. I like to learn. This compromise works out pretty well. I am moving somewhere new to me….there is my adventure. I am moving somewhere where I can continue my education. And I am moving somewhere where the demand for ultrasound techs is fairly high, so that I can make some money and stow some away for my travels.

Now don’t panic. I am moving, but I have a lot of loose ends and responsibilities I need to work out before I really get serious about this. It is going to take me at least 6 months to get things worked out. Unless the right job opportunity comes up, then I would speed up the process. But I am trying to take this slow and really feel this out before I leap. All to often, I just leap. Not that that is a bad thing. I always have fun, even with the disasters. But this is different, I want success. Anyways, now I am just babbling. This is just the beginning of things. I’ll write more when I can put it into words better.

Oh…where am I moving to?….I dunno yet. I have a few ideas, but nothing solid yet. Let’s just say a few states are in the running. *cough*washingtonoregoncoloradocaliforniaarizona*cough* Just a few. ; )

As Requested November 7, 2008

I am updating my blog. I have been meaning to do it, but time, energy, and computers have been limited.

As some of you may know I had to rush back to Las Vegas October 14th. My father collapsed at an appointment the day before and was put on life support. Had he been at home he would have died. A good many places in Las Vegas have defib machines on hand, and he was in one of those places. It saved his life. They call it Sudden Death Sydrome, something in your body just tells your heart to stop and it does. It’s kind of like a computer crashing. He spent a week with a ventilator helping him breathe. When he was pulled off of it and awake he had major holes in his memory. He had lost about 40 years. It is slowly coming back, but every day is a bit of a struggle. He had to have a pacemaker/defib put in to prevent this from happening again as well. He’s doing much better, but I have to watch him carefully to make sure he doesn’t do something off.

I’m not exactly sure how long I am going to stay here. To be honest, I am considering moving back to Las Vegas. It would make some things so much easier. The downside would be a major lack of a social life. It’s a transient place to live, and make friends. Had this all happened before the summer, I think I would have packed up and moved back, but now….now I am locked in a lease that I can’t get out of. Now I have my niece living with me, and another niece planning on moving up in June. Now is not exactly good timing. I pay a majority of the rent, and all of the utilities. I couldn’t exactly just rent out my room. So I am a bit conflicted. I think the best thing is for me to wait until after Christmas to decide. My little bro will be out of Jail in 3 weeks, so I need to see how things go with him as well. He may decide to stick close to my parents and help out….maybe.

Other than all of this, I am doing ok. I picked up some extra work down here, which was great. I needed the work and the chance to get away from things. Now I just wait and see I guess.